The gift shop at the end of the republic
Welcome to E Pluribus Bunkum, the official souvenir stand of institutional decline. Home of the Reflecting Pool Swamp, the Two Weeks Mint™, the Constitutional Funhouse and the Great American Fair 250.
Dispatches from the Slug Palace
Fresh tableaux from the imperial gift shop, released whenever reality becomes insufficiently ridiculous.
Field Report No. 001
The emperor is comfortable. The aide is delighted. The First Lady has reviewed every decision that led her here.
Tonight at court: limitless appetite, immaculate loyalty and one spectacularly eloquent side-eye.
View the full dispatchPoster Collection
Vintage travel posters for places that don't deserve the nostalgia. Distressed finish. Distressed everything.
Where ethics go to die and the alligators wear cufflinks. Accountability strictly decorative.
Read the fine print
Come for the history. Stay because nobody's draining anything. The swamp's a feature, not a bug.
Match the shirtSpecial Attraction
250 years of liberty, liability and selective memory. Mostly the last one.
Ride the Electoral Rollercoaster. Get lost in the Supreme Court House of Mirrors, where the rules change depending on who's looking. Then cool off with a Freedom Funnel Cake, fried fresh in deregulation.
Official Currency of Future Announcements
Collectible currency backed by nothing but confidence and a delivery date that keeps moving.
Each note redeems for one major announcement, one finished report, or one historic breakthrough that's almost ready. Redemption date: two weeks. Always two weeks.
Shop the notes, eventually
Redeemable for one major announcement. Vague-timeline finish, no delivery date, no intention of one.
$19.99For collectors who appreciate an idea before it's been thought through. Details to follow. They won't.
$9.99Valid during any Infrastructure Week. There's always another one coming. There's never one happening.
$14.99Extra adjectives, historic importance, unprecedented announcement density. Substance sold separately.
$49.99For serious collectors of things that never arrive. Folder marked “Available Soon” sold spiritually separately.
$99.99Redeemable for immediate action, future action, different action, or the exact opposite action. Terms change without warning.
$499.99“I ordered years ago. The announcement should arrive any day now.”
“Still waiting. Somehow still hopeful. That's the genius of it.”
“I bought ten, then announced I was buying ten more.”
Two weeks.
Two more weeks.
Only in conversations about announcements that aren't coming.
Returns are under review. We'll announce a decision shortly.
Investor warning: past performance guarantees nothing, least of all future delivery. Shipment may be delayed by legal strategy, executive priorities, media bias, acts of Congress, weather, or the sudden discovery of an even bigger announcement that also won't happen.
Merch Department
For barbecues, family group chats and any room that could use a little less consensus.
Now with more swamp than ever. Front and back, so you start arguments coming and going.
Big, bold, battered Americana lettering. Ideal for the “say less, annoy more” crowd.
Attractions include corruption, gridlock, lobbyists, denial and souvenir mugs. The full tour. No exit.
Fine Print
E Pluribus Bunkum is a souvenir stand for the slow collapse: fake tourist posters, counterfeit optimism, commemorative delay-currency and patriotic swampwear. If you can't fix it, you may as well wear it.
No refunds. No returns. Future not guaranteed.
New poster drops, dubious commemorative notes, fake launches and the occasional real one. No spam we won't own up to.